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Facing Codependence What It Is Where It Comes from How It Sabotages Our Lives

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En are horrifically abused and that CHILDREN WHO ARE ABUSED REMEMBER IT who are abused remember it don t repress Further the idea that memories can be repressed and recovered is damaging for several reasons One is that a person suddenly has memories of traumatic events that never happened that they now have to live with Second is that a parents who did not rape or abuse their children all of the sudden finds himher to be falsely accusedMellody also depends on 12 step programs for recovery The problem is that 12 step programs are not effective Studies have shown that they have a very high failure rate around 90% depending on the program This is no better than remission rates among people not attending a 12 step programMellody focuses a lot time on what causes codependence figuring that by introspection insight realization and submitting oneself to a Higher Power a person can get on the road to recovery The thing is insight may help you nderstand why you are the way you are but it doesn t tell you how to become who you want to You re still left with the same maladaptive patterns you always did Further reliving painful memories rarely helps a person move forward with their lifeI felt that there should have been of a focus on adaptative behaviors What does a functional family look like How does a functional family communicate When you take away someone s maladaptive behaviors you have to give them something functional to put in it s place otherwise they ll pick Reggie up different maladaptive ones Finally I vehemently disagreed with her condition that recovery dependspon relying on a higher power maladaptive ones Finally I vehemently disagreed with her condition that recovery depends pon relying on a higher power of people live satisfying productive and healthy lives and are atheists I even know someone who was raised in an abusive household and worked hard at learning adaptive behaviors and today is a successful person who has a stable job and raised a functional family She is also an atheist So pretty much this book excluded atheists from her model of a recoveryand a good model of recovery should encompass people from all belief systemsThe sole redeeming thing about this book is that it is an accurate portrayal of abuse and how it runs through families It also had a good discussion on boundaries and what good boundaries look likeThis cannot make p for the bad science and the exclusion of atheists and subseuently I cannot recommend this book Pia Mellody s Facing Codependence gives a thorough description and analysis of what codependence entails five core symptoms how these symptoms can get in the way of having healthy relationships and most especially where it stems from Mellody goes into detail about the various kinds of abuses mostly overt or covert abuse by parental figuresthat can set codependence in motion physical abuse sexual abuse emotional abuse intellectual abuse and interestingly I have never heard of or thought about this before as a specific abuse spiritual abuse Even as a seasoned therapist of nearly 10 years this book opened my eyes to the insidious nature of different kinds of abuse I had not given much thought to before This book also gives the best definition of boundaries I have come across yet and how it can impact not only how one relates or interacts with other people but also one s own boundaries with the self I recommend this book to both therapists wanting to learn about this clinical issue as well as to those struggling with codependence in their lives I really liked this book It explains a lot about codependency but covers it as a disorder that forms from childhood a lot about codependency but covers it as a disorder that forms from childhood neglect abandonment and dysfunctional families This book is great because she goes into so much detail about all the formstypes of abusedysfunctional events that can cause codependency which can help you break through your denial that My childhood wasn t really that bad I wasn t like abused or anything She also explains in depth the differences between how functional and dysfunctional families operate which helps you Marrying Marcus (Virgin Brides, understand what things your family of origin did that was helpful or harmful to your development and helps you know what your goals should be for the family you create if you have children I d recommend this for anyone interested in codependency but also any survivor of familial abuse I really didn t want to read this book I didn tnderstand what codependence was nor had I any desire to nders. In Facing Co Dependence Pia Mellody traces the origin of the disease back to childhood reveals the structure of co dependence as it operates in everyday life and relationsh. All in all this book is OK While it has a lot of information about codependency the presentation seems to suggest that basically everyone is codependent to some degree or another which I imagine is partly true With its net cast so wide it is at
times hard to 
hard to any level of nuance and and detail in the analysis For instance if someone has too high of a self esteem that is an illustration of codependency and if someone has too low of a self esteem that also is an illustration of codependency That said the part that resonated with me most was how our pbringing can influence the traits that we have as adults This may be obvious but Pia does an excellent job at connection This may be obvious but Pia does an excellent job at connection dysfunctions in childhood to symptoms as adults This brought If Im Found (If I Run up some sadness in me to think about challenges I faced growingp but it was also empowering in some sense to bring those experiences to light as I imagine that s the first step in the healing process Ten stars Pia Mellody is brilliant Many addicts who have read this book will claim that almost the whole world population is codependent My opinion is that this claim is the ltimate addict fantasy Codependent people do sabotage their lives with dysfunctional behavior The rest of the world population does not What non codependents do is exhibit dysfunctional behavior from time to time since they of the world population does not What non codependents do is exhibit dysfunctional behavior from time to time since they imperfect beings humans but there is a difference between imperfect behavior and life sabotaging behavior This distinction was very important to nderstand for me in this book I do sabotage my life with dysfunctional behaviorAlthough the definition of childhood abuse is so widely defined that the claim that the whole world population has been abused as a child would be true indeedA very friendly and honestly written book but the style of writing can become repetitive and dull over the chapters Still it has begun to change my life a positive and thus a functional change so who am I to complain This book focuses on the childhood origins of codependence how dysfunction and abuse creates codependent adults I found some of the information to be extremely helpful and made correlations of which I had previously been Assignment unaware It was veryseful for me personally to nderstand that clinginess and love addiction are not the only traits of codependence but also tendencies to create emotional barriers inability to acknowledge one s own needs and enmeshing others emotions with your own among other things Mellody outlines five major traits of codependence which operate on either extreme lack of self esteem or arrogance inability to esteem yourself from within making oneself too vulnerable or erecting emotional walls boundaries self destructiveness or perfectionism owning and expressing your own reality or self responsibility and self acceptance dependence or denial of your own needs inability to meet your own needs and wants and chaotic or controlling behavior extreme modes of behavior as opposed to moderationHer perspectives on a few issues I disagree with for example her conventional approach to gender and sexual preference While attempting to be accepting of sexual preference her approach is obviously heterosexual Also I disagree with some other things in the book such as a disregard for the issues of race one mention of race is made and especially class For example perhaps Mom has to work all the time because the family is financially struggling to put food on the table not because she s a workaholicThough the direct relation of a dysfunctional childhood to an inability to meet one s needs as a adult is laid out fairly clearly here I would be interested find out about other books on codependence from the same perspective This book focused heavily on what codependence is and how it develops Mellody bases codependence on the disease model and ses a 12 step approach that she does not delve much into to cure it I had several problems with this book first being that I don t agree with the disease model It seemed what she described was of a pattern of maladaptive behaviorsShe depended a lot on anecdotal evidence and bad science for the basis of her book For instance she took that people can repress memories of traumatic events as fact when studies have found no evidence that people repress memories Sadly it is established that far too many childr. This audio is a dynamic new guide to nderstanding the origins of co dependence and the path to recovery from a nationally recognized authority on dependency and addiction. Tand another mainstream label of behavioral dysfunction When I first started it I was really put off by the idea That The Reason Behind Codependence the reason behind codependence rooted in child abuse be it sexual verbal intellectual spiritual or emotional In my mind that was translated that to mean that all of a person s problems are the fault of his or her parents Baloney I convinced myself to read a little into the book and learned that my interpretation was completely askew WIthout going into too much detail I came to really nderstand and even agree with Mellody s view of how a parent can influence a child and how the child has the capacity to recover from abusive influence whether intentional or not I like how the text of the book teaches what good parenting looks like I found this book tremendously The Spirituality Revolution useful and informative If you ve grownp in a family with a substance addictive member alcohol drugs or other types of addictions this is a great read to help with Comptia Cysa+ Cybersecurity Analyst Certification Bundle (Exam Cs0-001) understanding dysfunctional family dynamics and help one get on the path to creating functional relationships within their lives Additionally if you didn t have substance abusers in your immediate family but your parents may have when they were growingp your parents still could ve passed down the dysfunction of codependence to you And finally if you didn t grow Economies and Cultures up in this type of dysfunction but a loved one did then this is worth the read to helpnderstand what dynamics might presently be operating in your relationship Overall just a great book In my life I ve encountered so many people who try to manipulate and control me Ever since I was a little girl I hated these games I thought Why can t people just be real with each other As I got older I became aware of the word According to Wikipedia The codependent party exhibits behaviour which controls makes excuses for pities and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party s condition because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship In a way I guess it was a relief Like That s the problem It s them not me I m okay However I Ve Repeatedly Had Key repeatedly had key in my life make me feel not okay even people I cared about I ended Designing with Web Standards up feeling like a victim powerless to resolve these relationship problems I decided to try tonderstand this codependent label so that maybe I could have some compassion as well as some relationship tools So I picked Sadies Surrender (Oyster Harbor, up Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody Because codependence is not officially a disorder or disease in the DSM IV the authorses her personal experience as well as working therapeutically with countless people with similar characteristics to define it She characterizes codependence as a continuum of dysfunctional behaviors arising from a lack of dynamic boundaries between self and other What I discovered was GASP that I was on that continuumBased on the title of the book Pia Mellody accomplishes her goal she makes you face codependence This really helped me to begin to see how I victimize myself and some aspects of myself that need attention However intrigued I was by her perspective it didn t entirely fit my worldview The main thing that bothered me was that the scope of how she defined abuse was so broad that we all must be perpetrators I think perhaps if she had given as many if not examples of what health looks like it would have provided s wounded adults with some tools so that we re not just facing codependence but also embracing functionalityThe author recommends starting to figure out what work you need to do in a very honest manner and then join a 12 Step Program While I believe it is important to have supportive people around you when you re making difficult changes something about the 12 Step Program doesn t sit right with me I think it is the premise Once an addict or codependent always an addict or codependent Sure we are always working on our stuff but saying that we are always in a state of recovery puts people in the negative It reminds me of original sin that we are sinners and personally I just don t like that idea My opinion aside 12 Step Programs help countless people so there must be a lot of good in them Perhaps her accompanying workbook Breaking Free goes into how one can begin to identify and work through codependency This just doesn t seem to be the approach for Ips and outlines an effective therapy to take you off the path of dependency and addiction and onto the path of healthy mature relationshipsRead by the author on one casset.